Dan Allender in “Leading with a Limp”

I picked up Dan Allender’s book, “Leading with a Limp,” during a time when I felt frustrated and limited in my own leadership and my own imperfection. Like any overly-excited online shopper, i left it sit in a pile of “books to read” on my desk.

I cracked it open today and couldn’t put it down. The book isn’t incredible because of Dan’s writing or it’s practical advice, but because it each word seems to skip your mind and head straight into your soul. As a president of a graduate school that is well known for it’s bent towards psychology and counseling, much of Dan’s talks and writings sounds like they’re coming from a counselor.

And for me. For me right now. That’s just what I need.

Here is a paragraph that named an inner-tension that – I’d guess – every leader feels. It brought a tear to my eye as I’d never heard another human being so directly speak to that part of my heart:

We expect a leader to make tough decisions – to fire his close friend if necessary or to send troops into harm’s way – yet we want him to tear up over a sad story and be sentimental on Mother’s Day. What we want is an illusion and we know it. We prefer the illusion because we have a deep need to be buffered from reality. Setting up a leader to b our big daddy, our bright and shining knight, our perfect mother who will get up in the middle of the night and hold us until we feel safe makes leadership a nightmare that we inflict on a few while we comfort ourselves that we don’t have the right stuff to pull it off.

That hit me so hard.

If you would, take a second to pause and reflect.

Take a moment to think about the expectations you’re putting on those that you’d call leaders?